The buffet is a lawless frontier. In this self-contained principality of modern dining, mired in a state of perpetual anarchy, anything goes. And that includes putting sandwiches and jelly on the same plate.
To bring peace and order to this -- the Wild West of food -- I hereby propose an EU treaty dealing specifically with the minutiae of Buffet Law, including but not limited to:
- 'Sweet and Savoury' embargo -- an immediate ban on diners placing main course and afters on the same plate. In short, no sweet item to share plate-space with any savoury item. (An exception to be made for cheese and pineapple.)
- The "Can I Just Dip In There?" principle -- an end to "just dipping in" to the buffet table to collect apparently forgotten or extraneous items -- i.e. a bread roll for nanny. If you've forgotten something -- back of the queue, arsehole.
- Satay's Law -- enforced adult-supervision on all buffet transactions of the under 16s; with particular regards to their over-consumption of chicken satay. The relative scarcity and subsequent high value of chicken satay in the buffet economy renders this seemingly draconian measure something of a necessity.
(Obviously I have more of this if anyone's interested.)
