I refer specifically to those wafer thin, perfectly sculpted 'laser' beards as favoured by the modern soul singer; the R 'n' Beard. Because I'm telling you -- there isn't an honest to goodness man-beard in the whole of R 'n' B.
The subliminal message contained within the R 'n' Beard is as follows:
"A man of independent means, I am phenomenally wealthy. Unlike people with ordinary beards, I have no need to work a nine-to-five job. As a consequence, I can devote extraordinary amounts of my time to face-maintenance; specifically, the grooming and moulding of my exquisitely fancy whiskers. And ladies, if you think what I can do with a pair of electric clippers is impressive, wait until you see what I do with your tuppence."
Here's a simple rule of thumb: just say no to any beard that requires the use of a spirit level.